5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Diet
It’s that time of year again when you might be feeling that all-too-familiar pull to shed some pounds. Your New Year’s resolution has largely fallen by the wayside (did it ever really take off in the first place?), the weather is warming up so you are finding yourself without the protection of your bulkier winter clothes, and your annual beach trip is right around the corner so gotta start working on that #summerbod.
If this is you, you are not alone my friend!
The kickoff to summer can be fraught with anxiety about what your body looks like after a long winter of less movement and most likely enjoying comforting, heavier foods. Although it is perfectly normal for our bodies to change throughout the year, the extra winter weight can make many of us feel like dieting (or restricting food, starting a “wellness journey”, etc) to lose that extra padding is our only option.
But with more and more research coming out about the harms of dieting (and the fact that they just don’t work) coupled with the small, but growing, cultural shift towards body acceptance and body positivity, you find yourself torn. You want your body to look different, you know dieting doesn’t work and generally sucks, and at the same time you aren’t ready to wear the damn swimsuit and accept your body as it is now.
So…..what is one to do in this predicament?
My most important piece of guidance I can give in this scenario?
Trust only YOURSELF to make this decision for YOU. Do your best to not listen to anyone else about what you should or shouldn’t do with your body. You know what will allow you to thrive and be the best version of yourself, no one else does.
And with whatever you decide to do, whether it’s dieting to lose weight or choosing to work towards body acceptance, you are the one who has to live with that decision - so you are the only authority you need to listen to when it comes to deciding how you choose to live in your body.
Also, a disclaimer: as an anti-diet, Health at Every Size©-aligned dietitian, I will always encourage and support the choice to not diet as I am witness to the direct negative results of dieting and body shame on a daily basis. I’ve done the research to understand why diets don’t work and what they usually result in (disordered eating, eating disorders, a decreased metabolism, a decreased sex drive, poor body image, the list goes on).
Saying that, I am also a full believer in body autonomy, meaning only you can make the choice of how you want to live in your body - yes, even if it means dieting for weight loss.
The pressure to exist in a small body in our culture is REAL and the societal consequences of existing in a large body are also REAL, therefore I have so much empathy if a person chooses to diet. For whatever reason.
And even though the problem is our culture, not a person’s body, I believe we are all doing the best we can while living in a society with a very narrow definition of what bodies are considered good.
Before you make the decision to jump on the diet train or not, I do believe it is necessary to do some soul-searching in order to determine how you’d like to move forward. I do not believe a diet should be started impulsively as they truly can have devastating consequences, as I have seen time and time again in my line of work. Not for everyone, but for many.
Therefore, in order to help you make this decision, I have compiled a list of 5 questions to ask yourself if you are considering starting a diet for weight loss.
5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Diet
What is my motivation to lose weight?
Understanding why you want to lose weight in the first place can allow you to understand if your reason for wanting weight loss lines up with your values, aka what you want out of your life on a deeper level. What you believe in.
Most people might know why they want to lose weight on a more surface level - most of the time it’s “to look better” or “to be healthy”, but there is usually something hidden beneath that desire.
It could be something like:
“I want to be seen as valuable”
“I want my partner to love me better”
“I want to be respected”
“I want to feel like I belong”
Once you know your deeper motivation for wanting weight loss, you can check in with yourself to insure your reasons line up with your life values.
For example, if you want to be loved better by your partner and you think weight loss can allow for that to happen, is it one of your values to be with someone who loves you for you, no matter what size you are? Or to exist in a relationship where love is conditional based on what you look like?
Or, if it is because you want to be seen as valuable, I wonder when you started believing that your inherent value is based on the size of your body? (Our culture has led you to believe this lie and believing this lie is NOT your fault, BUT it is incorrect.)
All of the above reasons are about what others want from you or how you are perceived by others. And if you continue to focus on doing what others expect or want from you, you will never be fully in the driver’s seat of your own life.
You will never be truly free.
And any attempts at weight loss will usually be futile at best because external motivation as opposed to internal motivation is typically a very poor motivator. Once will power runs out (quite quickly for most of us), we’ve got nothing left in the tank to draw from.
On the other hand, if you discover that your motivation for weight loss is what you truly want, it is so much easier to implement any kind of lifestyle changes to make that happen as you won’t be relying on will power alone.
2. If I want to lose weight “for my health”, what does health mean to me?
We have been conditioned in our culture to believe that fat = unhealthy, and thin = healthy. And so it is only natural to believe that if we are fat, we need to lose weight to fix our “health problem”, no matter if we actually have a “health problem” or not.
Weight by itself is a very, very poor indicator of health. How many thin people do you know who have poor health status (think: a person addicted to drugs, someone with an eating disorder, a cancer patient, someone who battles a mental health issue, someone who is naturally thin but treats their body poorly, etc)?
And how many people in larger bodies do you know who have great health?
Body size is not directly correlated to our health status. Why? Because bodies come in ALL shapes and sizes, and ya can’t tell a damn thing about someone’s health by looking at them.
So, once we remove the worn out belief system that thin = healthy, we need to redefine what health means to you, separate from what your body looks like.
Ask yourself this question:
What does health mean to ME?
Beyond the basics of normal biomarkers and absence of disease, this will look different for each of us. For some of us, a strong faith life might be included in our definition of health whereas others might be more focused on mental health or capacity for movement.
We can oftentimes forget that our health is about so much more than what happens at the doctor’s office once a year. Our mental and emotional health are of equal importance.
And more often than not, weight loss by itself will not help us achieve better health.
You can technically eat nothing but cookies all day and lose weight, but we all know doing so wouldn’t improve someone’s health status.
Changing our behaviors to be more health-promoting is the thing that does the trick. (Sometimes weight loss can be a side effect of positive behavior change, but not always, and an improvement in health without weight loss should never be seen as a failure.)
3. What have my past experiences with dieting for weight loss looked like?
A diet is considered “successful” if a person is able to maintain their weight loss for 5 years post-diet. This isn’t you? Join the other 95% of individuals who also can’t claim this success.
Diets simply don’t work - and no, it’s not your fault because you “don’t have enough will power”, even if the diet tells you it most certainly must be your fault.
So, thinking about your weight loss attempts in the past…
How long does your “success” typically last?
Have you oftentimes lost weight for just a short period of time, only to gain it back later, and then some?
Does dieting make you obsess about food and your body?
Do you love starting a diet, but then once the newness wears off do you become bored, anxious, agitated, or depressed?
Does it make you lose trust in yourself?
Do you feel safe dieting because you feel like you don’t have control when you aren’t dieting?
Do you feel genuinely happy and at peace dieting? (note: there is a difference in true happiness vs feelings of excitement, safety, or control.)
More often than not, your next diet will look very similar to your previous attempts at trying to lose weight. Sure, you might be eating different types of foods, or eating at different times of the day, but all diets do essentially the same thing: and that is to take away your autonomy over your body and replace it with fear, and a false sense of control and safety.
4. Can I see myself doing this diet for the rest of my life?
If not, then you must recognize that the end of the diet will very likely result in regaining any weight lost, and maybe then some.
It has been proven that weight cycling (losing and gaining weight over and over again) results in worse health outcomes than never going on a diet in the first place. Weight cycling wreaks havoc on our metabolism, hunger and fullness cues, hormones, and trust in our bodies.
It also oftentimes leaves us heavier than we were before the diet due to biological protective mechanisms our body uses when we chronically diet or under eat (primarily a slowing of the metabolism and altered hunger/fullness hormones).
Sustainability is of utmost importance when it comes to behavior change. If you can’t see yourself only eating from the hours of 4pm-8pm every night (intermittent fasting) or if you can’t ever see yourself having a burger without a bun ever again (keto) for the rest of your life, then this isn’t the diet for you my friend.
5. Is my desire for weight loss coming from a place of fear, or a place of love?
When we take action because we fear (or hate, or want to control, or feel shame about) our bodies, we usually fail at any attempts to change. We cannot shame ourselves into better health.
Whereas when we take action from a place of love, we prioritize our well-being and truly caring for ourselves over all else. We can only love ourselves into better health.
Making this shift can dramatically change the way we treat ourselves because our perspective changes.
When we fear or hate our bodies, we deprive them - of food, love, respect, opportunities, etc.
On the other hand, when we are working to love our bodies, we provide for them - with food that allows us to thrive, with respect, with non-judgement, and with kindness.
Behavior change motivated by shame or fear causes a decrease in quality of life, no matter how much weight you actually lose. You can be in a thin body and still hate your body and feel miserable.
Behavior change motivated by love always leads to an increase in quality of life as you will start to engage in activities and behaviors that you genuinely feel good about, no matter how much weight you actually lose (again). You can be in a fat body and deeply love your body and feel like a million bucks.
After truthfully answering these questions, where do you stand?
If you decide that you can’t move forward with the next diet because you know it won’t help you thrive and it won’t actually give you what you are looking for, it is so normal to feel like all of your problems aren’t solved because you still have to contend with a body that you might not like so much right now.
Body grief (the feelings of sadness, anger, denial, etc we feel about being in a body size we don’t want to be in) is real, and existing in our weight-obsessed culture in a larger body is simply harder than fitting into the “thin ideal”.
I want you to know though, that if this is you - so you don’t want to diet, but you also aren’t ready to fully accept your body as it is now - simply making the decision to choose another path is enough for now, even if you don’t know exactly what that will look like for you.
Simply choosing to not diet, is enough. And as soon as you are ready to take your next step, there is help available. You can schedule a call with me to learn more, or you can reach out to a weight-inclusive provider in your area to get help as you navigate creating a new relationship with food and your body.
If, on the other hand, you feel confident that you do want to diet after answering these questions, great, you do you! Only you know what will allow you to thrive.
And just remember, whatever you decide, it is only your decision to make. You do not have to explain or justify yourself to anyone else – unless you want to. Your body belongs to you, and everyone else can go suck a bag of d****s.
